Like a Moth to a Flame
by pokeitlikejello
Summary: Five hearts Cuddy broke and one time she broke her own heart.


**Disclaimer:**I don't own House M.D., nor the characters.**  
Chapter:**Oneshot.**  
Author's Note:** This fic was written for cuddyfest over at LJ.

* * *

**February 14th, 1974**

Lisa stopped in her tracks on the playground as a scrawny, short boy stood in her way. She twirled one of her dark pigtails with her fingers as the boy, Mikey, extended a red construction paper cut out of a heart. There was squiggly handwriting across it.

"What's that?" Lisa asked, her face scrunching.

"It's a valentine," Mikey answered meekly and held up the heart more.

"From _you_?" Lisa raised her eyebrows at him.

"Yeah," Mikey replied. "Happy Valentine's Day, Lisa."

"Um." Lisa took the valentine. "Thanks."

"Did you just give Lisa a valentine?" Beth, Lisa's best friend, demanded as she hurried over to them.

"Yeah," Mikey told her.

"Gross!" Beth made a face, appearing as if she had just caught a whiff of something rotten. "You're a total dweeb, Mikey."

"Am not!" Mikey exclaimed, crushed.

"Are, too!" Beth shot back. "And we don't accept valentines from dweebs." Beth turned to her friend. "Do we, Lisa?"

"No," Lisa quickly sided with Beth.

"So, you can take your valentine and give it to another dweeb like you," Beth said to Mikey and placed her hands on her hips.

"Yeah, 'cause I don't want it," Lisa added in.

She let the valentine fall from her hand and flutter to the ground. Beth looped her arm through Lisa's and gave her a tug away from Mikey. Beth led the way and Lisa kept her head held high as she went with her friend.

But, for a brief second, she glanced back at Mikey and caught a glimpse of the boy kneeling on the ground next to the now dirty valentine.

**April 3rd, 1981**

Lisa squished herself deeper into the soft cushions of the front seat of his car. She felt a hand traveling up the inside of her thigh. She pulled away from the kiss she was engaged in.

"This is going too fast," she spoke up, her breathing rapid.

Dan, a boy two years her senior, sat back slightly. His green eyes met Lisa's. "You want to stop?"

"Yes." Lisa quickly nodded, noting that the car windows were fogged. She shook her head. "I lied to my mom. I shouldn't be here."

Dan ran a few fingers up and down Lisa's arm. "You're feeling guilty."

Lisa shrugged away from him. "Yes."

"You don't need to feel guilty," Dan said. "She wouldn't understand anyway."

Dan pressed against her and placed his lips to hers. Lisa put her hand on his shoulder and pushed him away.

"Dan, please, stop," she asked of him.

"Come on, Lise." Dan's hand was traveling up her thigh again. "I love you. I wouldn't have brought you here if I didn't."

"I know." Lisa scooted closer to the passenger door. "And this has been nice, but... I feel terrible about all of this. I should have been honest with you."

Dan drew back slightly. "What do you mean?"

"I only agreed to date you to make my mom angry," Lisa bluntly told him.

He removed his hands from her. "What?"

"I wanted to make my mom mad." Lisa's eyebrows drew together, finding it particularly difficult to tell Dan all of this. "I thought dating someone like you would do it. And it did. But, this isn't fair to you."

"No shit," Dan replied. "I actually have feelings for you."

"I know." Lisa felt tears prick her eyes. The guilt was killing her. "I'm sorry. I never thought you'd care _this_ much."

"Well, I do," Dan snapped. "Did."

"I'm sorry," Lisa apologized again. "I didn't mean to hurt you. We're different people, Dan. We have different friends, we don't like the same music, we have different interests. I... I never had any intention for things to get this far."

Dan faced forward and turned his car on. "You're so immature, Lisa."

Lisa raised her eyebrows. "What?"

Dan looked back over at her. "You did all of this to piss your mom off. That's completely childish."

"You're just angry 'cause I led you on," Lisa said.

"And maybe that makes you a bitch, too." Dan sighed and backed out of the space he had parked it.

With his foot now on the brake, he rolled down his window, letting cool air in to defog the windows. After he finished rolling down the window, Dan quickly switched the car into drive and took off, heading for Lisa's home. Lisa stared out her window.

"Yeah," she agreed quietly with him. "Maybe it does."

**November 24th, 1992**

"I can't." Lisa shook her head as she flopped down in her desk chair.

"Couldn't you try?" Her father's voice came through the phone, annoyed.

"No, Dad." She gave him annoyance right back. "I can't come home. Sorry."

There was a sigh on the other end. "Lisa, it's important to us that you come home."

"And it's important to me that I stay here," Lisa replied. "I have too much going on, Dad. I need to focus on my work. I don't have time."

"You don't have time for your family?" he asked.

"No, I don't." Lisa suddenly regretted her words. She deflated slightly. "Damn it. I'm sorry."

"You don't have time for your family," her father's voice had hardened, "you speak with a foul mouth to your father-"

"That wasn't really directed at you-" Lisa jumped in.

"Lisa, I'm not even sure I know who you are anymore," her father finished his statement.

Lisa leaned back into her chair. "Dad, my career is important to me."

"More important than your family." He was nodding on his end. "I see that."

"That's not what I mean." She tried to clear it up. "My career and my family are equally important."

"Then, you could at least come down for the day," he told her.

"It's a waste of a day to go there, eat a meal, and then come back," Lisa replied, irritated that he didn't understand.

"I'd advise you to stop arguing with me about this, Lisa," her father warned. "You're digging yourself into a deeper hole."

"You're the one who won't leave it alone, Dad," she said. "I'm an adult now. I don't need to come home for Thanksgiving. It's not an important holiday anyway. It's not a big deal if I'm not there."

"It's important to me." He let out a sigh. "But, if you want to stay at school, then stay at school, Lisa."

She felt that pang of guilt, but she willed it away. "If I want to be successful, I have to keep my focus, Dad. I can't afford a holiday. I have to make sacrifices."

"I understand." His tone told her otherwise. "Bye, Lisa."

He hung up without waiting for her goodbye. Lisa slammed her phone down on the console. She drew in a deep breath and reminded herself that if she wanted to be successful, these sacrifices were necessary.

**May 16th, 1994**

She was distracted when she walked in the door. And she was completely unprepared.

He threw her off guard when he suddenly said, "I want to settle."

"Settle?" Lisa repeated, eyebrows drawn, and she sat down on the couch next to him.

"Yes." Nick gave a nod.

Lisa frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I want settle down," Nick clarified and shifted slightly on his couch. "With you."

"I'm just starting my career," Lisa replied. "I can't settle. I need to be available to go to the best job offer. You know this."

"But, Lisa," he took her hand, "I want to marry you."

She stared at him a moment and then quickly stood from the couch, yanking her hand from his. Lisa turned and took a few steps away before turning back.

"What?" she asked.

Nick stood. "I care very much about you."

"And I care about you, but a marriage?" she raised her eyebrows. "How could we afford that? And I can't get time off for a honeymoon. And you'd hardly see me."

Nick's face hardened, his eyes suddenly becoming dull. "This relationship only seems to exist when it's convenient for you."

"What do you mean by that?"

"We go out on your terms, I determine my work schedule by you, even sex is always about when _you're_ able to 'make time' once in a blue moon." Nick shook his head. "It's when you manage to find time in your busy lifestyle that I suddenly exist." He stepped closer to her. "What about my needs, Lisa?"

Lisa stared at him, partially appalled. "You knew coming into this that my schedule was going to be-"

"Yes," Nick hastily cut her off. "I knew. But, I didn't know it would be this hard. And I want kids, Lisa. With you."

"I can't give you that," Lisa told him. "Not now."

"When?" Nick demanded, feeling his insides twisting upon themselves because he was sure he already knew the answer.

"When my career's established," Lisa answered him.

"I can't wait for that," Nick said softly, a lump forming in his throat.

"Then, we should just end this." Lisa offered the solution for Nick. "You're obviously unhappy."

"That's your answer?" Nick scoffed. "A break up?"

"Well, I don't want to be married now," Lisa replied. "I definitely do not want kids now. And apparently, I'm being completely selfish in this relationship. Apparently, we want two different things."

Nick took her hand. "We can work through it, Lisa. Compromise."

"I'm not willing to compromise my career." Lisa shook her head. "I worked hard to get where I am now. I have a really good shot at making something of myself." She gently removed her hand from his. "I can't compromise."

"So, you just want to be through?" Nick asked. "Over and done with?"

Lisa shrugged. "Unless you want to wait."

Nick swallowed the lump in his throat. He locked eyes with Lisa. "I don't."

"I'm sorry," Lisa told him.

"You want to end our almost two year relationship just like that?" Nick raised an eyebrow. "Does it mean nothing to you?"

"Of course, it means something to me." Her eyes were on his, searching him for any direction to make this right. "Don't put me in that place, Nick."

He shook his head. "You put yourself in that place."

"It's my career." Lisa wished he understood.

"And you chose it." Nick tried to shrug it off. "You'll always choose it, Lisa."

**March 2nd, 1996**

Lisa placed her arms around her mother. Mrs. Cuddy clutched onto her daughter tightly, missing the feeling of having her daughter in her arms.

"Hi, Mom." Lisa smiled through the pain of having the air squished out of her. "Okay. Hugging too tight." Mrs. Cuddy released her. "Thanks."

"How are you?" Mrs. Cuddy asked, her eyes locked with her daughter's. "How's work?"

"Everything's fine," Lisa told her.

Mrs. Cuddy inspected her up and down. "You've lost weight. You need to eat more."

Lisa shook her head. "No, Mom."

"Come in." Mrs. Cuddy looped her arm through her daughter's and pulled her in the direction of the house. "Say hello to Nana."

Lisa stepped inside her familiar childhood home. It was strange to be back after such a long time and it almost comforted her. But, the thought of escape made its way into her mind. Being at her childhood home always reminded her of her instinct to flee fast and far.

Her mother took her suitcase from her and began up the wooden staircase, each step creaking on the way. Lisa stepped into the doorway of the living room. She smiled at the sight of her very old and very thin looking grandmother.

"Hi, Nana," Lisa greeted.

Her grandmother looked up from the newspaper in her lap. "Lisa?"

Lisa took a step into the room. "Yeah, it's me."

"Have you been eating?" Nana squinted at her. "You're a twig."

Lisa shook her head, narrowing her eyes. "Nana..."

"Don't worry." Nana stood from her chair and stepped toward Lisa. "We'll take care of that."

* * *

"Are you all settled, dear?" Her grandmother stood in the doorway to the guest room.

Lisa looked up from the paperwork spread out over the bed she was sitting on top of. "I could have just stayed at a hotel."

"We're glad to have you here," Nana told her. "How is work?"

"It's good." Lisa nodded. "Really good."

"And men?" Nana asked.

"Nana." Lisa looked back down at her paperwork.

Nana entered into the room. "I'm curious, dear."

Lisa raised her gaze back up. "No men. I've been managing to keep them away."

"Why are you doing that, Lisa?" Nana stopped next to the bed and tucked some of Lisa's dark, unruly hair behind her ear. "You're a beautiful woman. You should let a man take care of you."

"I don't want a man to take care of me," Lisa said. "I like taking care of me, Nan. And I don't have time for a relationship. I'm very much into my career."

"Don't you want children?" Nana seemed hurt. "You're not getting any younger."

"I know." Lisa held back an eye roll. "Someday."

"I'm not getting any younger either," Nana replied. "I tell everyone your sister has two boys and when they ask about you, I have nothing to tell them."

"How about that I'm a doctor?" Lisa suggested, bothered by the fact that her mother and grandmother would only deem her life important if she had children. "A successful one."

"Oh, Bubbeleh." Nana let out a sigh. "That's not important. It's who you have with you that's important. And it hurts me that you have no one. It hurts that I will never see you happy."

"I'm happy," Lisa insisted.

"And what about children?" Nana asked her.

"Children aren't going to make me happy now." Lisa shook her head. "I'm not planning on having children any time soon. I don't even have a man, so children are far into the future. And even then, maybe not at all."

Nana took a step back. "You don't want children, Lisa?"

"It's not that." Lisa drew in a breath. "Things are different from when you were my age."

"When I was your age, I was raising my children," Nana pointed a finger.

"Exactly," Lisa agreed. "It's not the same now."

Nana lifted her chin. "Well, at least your nephews will carry on the Cuddy name."

Lisa frowned. "Nan..."

"Goodnight, dear," Nana spoke softly as she crossed to the doorway. "I'll see you in the morning."

**June 27th, 2003**

Lisa opened her front door and froze. "What are you doing here?"

He limped heavily into her home, forcing her to step back. House pulled the door from her grasp and slammed it shut. A hand went to her backside and his lips went to hers. She immediately pushed him back.

"House..."

House ignored her and his lips were back on hers. She felt the tingling, the want, but she had to say no. She couldn't let this happen again.

"Stop," she told him as she pushed him away for the second time.

"Why?" he demanded and made eye contact with his bloodshot eyes.

"You're self destructive," she spat, needing the words to not remain in her mind, nor on her tongue, anymore.

There was a slight pause on his part. He took a step back. "Way to kill the mood, Cuddy."

"I can't do this with you anymore," she tried to explain it so it made sense. "Not when you're like this."

"Like what?" he asked. "I'm fine. Great."

He kissed her quick before his lips went to her neck.

"Greg," Lisa's tone hardened.

"Sh." He wanted her to be quiet because she was starting to give him a headache.

"No." Lisa squirmed. "Stop!"

House let out a sigh and stepped back again. "You don't have to yell."

"You're not getting the point." A realization crossed over her face. "Are you high?"

"No," he answered. "Are you?"

"You taste like alcohol," she said. "Did you drive?"

He shook his head. "I'm not drunk."

"You're on medication," Lisa reminded him. "You can't drink-"

"Yeah, I've heard it," he cut her off harshly. "Wilson's great with the lectures."

Lisa let out a sigh of her own. "I'll take you home."

"No." He stepped dangerously close to her. "I want..."

His free hand coasted down her backside and his lips were back on her neck. Lisa hit him hard in the chest.

"You don't understand." Her voice had risen. "This needs to stop. I can't do this with you. You're... you're unstable."

"Unstable?" He repeated, now keeping his distance. "I'm perfectly fucking fine, Cuddy."

"You're drunk and high," Lisa accused.

"I'm not high," he replied.

"Right." She glared at him.

House rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Cuddy."

"You need to go," Lisa told him. "This... thing we have isn't working. We've seen that."

House cocked an eyebrow. "Are you breaking up with me?"

"Breaking up what?" Cuddy asked. "What is it that we are, Greg? Two people who seem to wind up in bed together on random occasions? That isn't a relationship."

"And so you're breaking up with me." He nodded, humoring her.

"God damn it," she cursed. "Stop it with that!"

He played innocent. "With what?"

She glared again. "I could kill you."

"You already tried." He indicated his thigh.

"Fuck you," she spat.

He leaned closer to her. "Keep right on pushing, Cuddy."

She stepped back. "I can't do this. I don't like seeing you like this. I can't. I'm so tired. This isn't anything like it should be. Please, go."

"If that's what you want." He shrugged, putting on an act again.

"It is," Lisa insisted. "It's what I want. If things were... if this could be different-"

"Don't give me that shit, Cuddy," House stopped her from going on. "I don't need it. You were just a booty call."

"That's not true." She appeared hurt for a second, but it turned into sympathy. "I'm sorry I have to be the one to draw the line, but this is too-" She paused, rewording her thoughts. "I'm sorry it has to be this way, but I can't do _this_ anymore, Greg."

"Right." He nodded, indifferent. "Okay."

"Don't do that," she asked of him.

"Do what?" He began for the door. "I'm leaving. Like you said to."

Lisa hurried up next to him. "Let me drive you."

"No." House pulled open the door quickly.

Lisa ducked around him and into his way. "I can't let you drive drunk."

"Fuck off, Cuddy," House replied harshly.

Her eyebrows drew together. "Greg..."

House pushed his way around her and limped, as fast as his leg would allow, to his car. Lisa waited a moment and then grabbed her keys from the side table near her front door. She hurried from her house, locking it behind her, and headed for her own car.

Lisa kept up behind House as he sped back to his apartment. When he arrived at his place without causing an accident, she felt slightly relieved. However, she didn't head back home until she saw the light in his apartment turn on.

Once she was back into her own home, Lisa felt utterly alone. She had an unbearable urge to cry, but she knew her tears wouldn't come. She knew she couldn't remain that close to him, she couldn't see him like that, she couldn't continue to be his 'booty call.' Lisa knew she couldn't continue to let him not let her in. It was hurting her too much, affecting her too much.

He was her dirty valentines, her missed holidays, her fumblings in the front seat of a car. He was her break ups, her secret wants. He was mean to her, he hated her, and yet, he was infatuated with her, too. And she put him in front of everything. In front of her work, her life, her feelings.

She hated him for it, for making her this way. And telling him it needed to stop, distancing herself from him, was practically killing her. But, she had to do it. She knew she had to. She just hoped that someday he'd be better and it would all suddenly make sense as to why she even cared so much about a person that could be _so_ mean.

However, that time wasn't now, and Lisa had to pull herself away before she became so attached that she would have no choice, but to go down in the flames with him.


End file.
